Monthly Archive for August, 1997

1 Peter 3:7g

Published on August 31, 1997 in 1 Peter. 4 Comments
Read Introduction to 1 Peter

“Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.”

as to the weaker vessel,

This phrase says that the wife is the “weaker” vessel. In what sense is the wife weaker than the husband? Is she weaker mentally? Obviously not. Many women are more intelligent than their husbands. Is she emotionally weaker? Many women are stronger emotionally than their husbands.

Is the wife physically weaker? There are some aspects of physiology in females that are stronger than males. Women seem to be able to take more pain then men. If men had to bear children mankind would have ceased to exist millennia ago! They would talk about the pain of childbearing for the rest of their lives! Females do not have the same bulk or over-all bone structure as males. They generally cannot lift as much weight. They have broader hips so they can bear children. Physical weakness may be the point here but there may also be another issue.

Another possible thrust of this passage is that God placed the husband over the wife to be her guardian. The husband has authority over the wife in the marriage institution. Genesis 3:16 says that God placed a “desire” in the female for her husband.

“To the woman He said:

‘I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception; In pain you shall bring forth children; Your desire shall be for your husband, And he shall rule over you’” (Genesis 3: 16).

The word “desire” means that the woman’s orientation will be to her husband. She will be husband-centred. When she goes to the supermarket she looks for T-bone steaks because that is his favorite meat.

Many men do not realize this. Most women do not say, “Do you realize why I cooked this meal today? I cooked it for you.” She may be the top surgeon in her field but she is still oriented to her husband. She may not be cognizant of it. If her husband does not show appreciation for this orientation she may begin to feel resentment toward him, without understanding why she does. Remember the Frito-Lay potato chip ad — “I bet you cannot eat just one.” That is the point of the weaker vessel. The male meets a need in the female that she cannot meet without him. Both husbands and wives are vessels but God placed the male over (to “rule”) the female in marriage. She is weak only — in the sense that God gave the male the leadership of the home.

Husbands have a different field of operation. They operate by categories. A woman has but one category (her husband). Men operate in separate categories. When he goes to work, he pleases his boss. When he plays on a team, he does it for the team. When he loves his wife this is yet another category. If men do not realize this difference, they will have problems in marriage.


Principle:

God designed the woman to respond to her husband.


Application:

Some men feel that their primary responsibility from God is to repopulate the human race. No, his primary responsibility is to guard his wife’s soul. That is why the Bible calls the wife the weaker vessel. God made her insatiable when it comes to her husband.

Let us suppose you have an insatiable desire for potato chips. You must have them. You may be very strong physically but physical strength has nothing to do with this. You are made weak by one thing — the desire for potato chips. The woman wants her husband to fulfil her. No matter how noble or how great she may be in life, if she is truly feminine, she will be insatiable toward her husband’s leadership. This however, does not mean that a husband can meet all of the needs of his wife.

This insatiability makes her dependent on her husband. That is why she is the weaker vessel. This starts with being “boy crazy” in her teens. Most women, no matter how poised they may be now, went through that stage. They discovered the male of the species.

This means that a wife orients to her husband. Her main occupation is to please her husband. This is why some women put up with some of the worst critters in the world. She wants to surrender her soul to him. Here is where rapport begins.

If there are two people in any institution one must have the authority to have smoothness of operation. Biblically, authority goes with the male. He may or may not be capable of handling this authority but, in principle, he has this authority.

1 Peter 3:7f

Published on August 30, 1997 in 1 Peter. 0 Comments
Read Introduction to 1 Peter

“Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.”

honor to the wife,

There is a word in the Greek that does not occur in this translation. It is the word “giving,” which means to assign to, to portion out, give a share of. God wants the husband to portion something out to his wife. That “something” is “honor.”

Honoring the wife was a radical innovation in the ancient world. This was foreign to their thinking because women were next to cows in esteem. The Greek and Roman religions did not allow women to attend worship services in their temples. The only exception was the prostitute because she was the centre of religion in the temple. Even in Judaism women had to sit behind a lattice or screen in the Synagogue.

“Honor” means deference, courtesy or respect. God wants the husband to hold his wife as worthy of value. She has intrinsic value. Someone said, “God did not create the woman from the head of man (to lord over him); nor from his feet (to be trampled by him) but from his side (to be a companion to him).”

The Greek is very strong — “Give her an appraisal of preciousness.” “Honor” means precious. Is your wife precious to you? Do you cherish her? Does she feel cherished? 1 Peter 1:19 translates this word “honor” as “precious” — “the precious blood of Christ.”

“Honor” means that the husband is to treat his wife with respect. She is a fellow heir of eternal life. He gives his wife deference. This implies that the husband perceives his wife’s needs. We must see something before we can pay it regard.


Principle:

God expects the husband to honor and respect his wife.


Application:

It is popular to depict men as misogynists and exploiters of women today. Men are lower than a snake on snowshoes! If a husband heeds the principles of this passage he will understand an essential need of his wife.

There is an old proverb that says, “No one can stand the awful knowledge that he is not needed.” The wife needs to know that her husband needs her. Our society greatly assaults the wife who stays at home. This lowers her self-esteem. The husband should not be a part of this attack.

The husband is to impart or portion out honor to his wife. The husband is to give his wife a very part of his being. In Christian marriage he cannot live as an entity apart from his wife. He must make his wife a part of his life.

The husband has the role of leadership in the home. As the leader, he has the great responsibility of initiating reconciliation after a quarrel.

“Honor” means worth. This means more than just saying, “Honey, you mean everything to me. You are the most important priority in my life.” The husband must show that his wife is his number one priority by the time he gives her and by the emphasis he places upon her. To honor a wife means to attribute a quality to her. He has taken a long, hard look at his wife and then sees worth in her. “He that finds a wife finds a good thing.”

Some men take their wives for granted. They so busily pursue their goals that they bypass putting priority on their wives. They cannot properly esteem them without putting priority on them.

A husband should cherish his wife like a precious gem. Some people have diamonds but they do not know how many carats are in that diamond. Is it a ¼ carat or 2 carats? They never stop to investigate whether their diamond has yellow streaks or whether it is crystal clear. Some people just do not know what they have. As well, some men do not know what they have. They never stop to examine the jewel called their wife. This is a fantastic lack of appreciation and awareness.

Husbands need to make a career of giving honor to their wives. They need to recognize her worth and let her know that she is precious. They should put her on a pedestal. This is quite a different interpretation of submission that what some men give it! To them, the woman is to be stepped upon. There is nothing in the Bible about that. The opposite is true. The wife is to be exalted, lifted up and highly prized.

Do you remember when you dated your wife before you were married? You dressed in your finest clothes. Others were after her but you wanted to be number one. You would go to the house and escort her to your car. Now married, you just beep the horn and yell “Come on, I’m ready.” When you courted her you would put your arm around her as if to protect her. You opened the car door and seat her as if she were china. Now it is every person for themselves. You are half way down the street and she has not shut the car door yet. Now the marriage is simply a business partnership.

Where did the tenderness go? Where is the consideration you once had? You are good at making her cry, why not be good at making her laugh? Pray this, “Lord, make me a blessing to my wife.” If dad is a great lover, his boys will be great lovers too. If dad does not show much love for their mother, they will behave the same way toward their wives. Like begets like.

1 Peter 3:7e

Published on August 29, 1997 in 1 Peter. 0 Comments
Read Introduction to 1 Peter

“Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.”

with understanding

As we saw in our previous study, “understanding” means that God expects the husband to have first-hand experience meeting his wife’s needs.


Principle:

God expects the husband to meet the essential needs of his wife.


Application:

Here is a continuation of how a husband can meet his wife’s needs:

6. Give her approval. “Honey, you look terrific in that dress.” When was the last time you told your wife she is beautiful? What would your wife say? “The last time? Well, let’s see. Was it on our wedding day?!!” If your wife says, “Don’t you think Suzie is cute?” Don’t bite! You can say, “Dear, do you realize how beautiful you are? I picked you over all other women in the world. You are everything to me.” It is easy to sit down for a meal and say, “You overcooked this one, didn’t you? I like it well-done, but I don’t like burnt offerings!” This is not experiential understanding of your wife. Experiential knowledge gives her approval.

7. Protect and shield her. Do you protect your wife? When you go to a party, do you run her down? How far do you carry joking about her?

8. Know her moods. Women are chemical creatures. It is amazing how many men do not know this. They take little note that it may be 10 days before her period. They may be totally oblivious to the reason as to why she is blue. They cannot fathom why she is up one time and down another.

9. Have economic responsibility. Economic insecurity is hard on a marriage. Economic stability makes a woman feel secure.

10. Set the emotional tone for the home. It is God’s design that the husband set the tone of the home. If he does not do this, the wife will do it. Which requires her to leave her essential role and rule the home. If she sets the tone of the home she will become insecure. Femininity is essentially a responder. Masculinity takes the initiative. If a responder takes the initiative it distorts femininity. This will warp roles in marriage. If the husband is belligerent after a rough day at work and comes home howling then that is how the home will go. The kids will develop this mode of operation in their homes as well.

11. Avoid harshness (Colossians 3:19).The husband cannot take his wife for granted without consequence. If he is not sensitive to her essential needs then he will have trouble. He cannot neglect her without her feeling insignificant. He cannot be rough on her without distorting her femininity.

1 Peter 3:7d

Published on August 28, 1997 in 1 Peter. 0 Comments
Read Introduction to 1 Peter

“Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.”

with understanding

The word “understanding” means experiential knowledge. The husband is to live with his wife according to his experiential understanding of her.


Principle:

God expects the husband to understand his wife’s needs.


Application:

Here is a list of some experiential knowledge of the wife that the husband requires to meet her needs:

1. Make her feel desirable. “Honey, it is wonderful to be around you.” Because of the routine of daily activities we can take our wives for granted. This gives the impression that she is no longer desirable. She gets the idea that we are not aware of her. Marriage implies some basic things. It implies companionship, sex, a home and children. A woman wants these things set in the framework of her husband’s acceptance of her.

2. Appeal to her. Women want their husbands wants to continue to pursue them. She derives significance from being desired. Buy her flowers. This appeals to her significance to you.

3. Be kind and gentle. A man does not have to be feminine to show gentleness to his wife. The man who can be gentle is truly strong. A woman is a finely tuned instrument. A husband does not have to get back at her if he is mature. He can do this when he is inwardly strong. He does not immediately have to argue his point. He gives her time to think. A woman has little defense against real, tender love. She will melt before it.

4. Make her feel wanted and needed. One of women’s biggest gripes is “My husband takes me for granted. He never thinks about me. He goes on his way without considering me. He has his hunting trips every year. We never go on vacation by ourselves.” The husband replies, “doesn’t she realize I work in the salt mines all year?” This demonstrates a complete lack of understanding of his wife’s situation. He is devoid of experiential knowledge. Does he not realize that her work too requires great skill? It is astounding how some husbands think they are the only ones doing any work. Every wife needs to feel that she is wanted and that she is an essential part of his values.

5. Be a man. A woman wants a man for a husband. It is true that some women distort their female role. When they have been rubbed the wrong way for a long period of time, some women become call us to their essential needs. She takes the leadership of the home. God did not make her for this role. Most women will let her husband lean on her emotionally. That is her nature. However, she will hate him for it.

I counseled a woman in her 60s. Her husband had just died. Something beyond his death was bothering her. She felt guilty for dominating him all through their marriage. I said, “Let me ask you something else. Did you also hate him for letting you dominate him?” For the first time in her life, she acknowledged that she hated him for this. She ran contrary to her fundamental nature of wanting protection from her husband. She dominated him which undermined her security. Women do not necessarily want a man who can press 250 pounds, they want someone with inner composure to handle the rough phases of life.

[continued next study]

1 Peter 3:7c

Published on August 27, 1997 in 1 Peter. 0 Comments
Read Introduction to 1 Peter

“Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.”

with understanding,

The phrase “with understanding” means according to the norm or standard of experiential knowledge. Husbands should understand their wives. He should be aware of her physical, emotional and spiritual needs. God expects him to protect and care for her (Ephesians 5:28-30).

There are a number of Greek words for “understanding.” One means academic knowledge. The word in this verse means experiential knowledge. A husband must get personal, experiential knowledge of his wife. It is not enough that he knows basic facts about his wife. He needs to know her essential needs.

Women often have difficulty explaining their needs to their husbands. God expects husbands to know what their wives want out of marriage. God expects the husband to know and love his wife (Ephesians 5:25-33) and avoid harshness toward her (Colossians 3:19).


Principle:

God expects the husband to know how to make his wife feel secure in his love.


Application:

A husband says, “My wife, just thinks about money, money, money.” Some sympathetic friend says to him, “Well, what does she do with it?” The husband answers, “Beats me, I never give her any!” This is not dwelling with a wife according to the standard of experiential knowledge!

A man’s wife is at A = not feeling cherished by her husband. She is afraid to ask for love because if she did she would not know if it were genuine. So she goes to B = a test of whether he truly loves her. He is about to play golf, but she asks him to put screens on the windows for the summer. Her interest is not primarily in the screens but to see if she is more important than golf. What she is truly seeking is C = to be secure in her husband’s love.

Most husbands do not understand this. They cannot understand why she would make an issue about him not going golfing at this time. “I can put the screens on the house tomorrow.” They miss the point because they do not understand that she does not want to ask for love. Yet they must understand it because this is at the heart of femininity. The wife prefers to respond to her husband’s initiative in love. This is how she proves to herself that he loves her.

Many men never know why their wives are upset. They do not know why their wives nag. Or why she is so miserable. It just may be that her husband has neglected to meet her essential need. Every woman needs to feel wanted and needed.

1 Peter 3:7b

Published on August 26, 1997 in 1 Peter. 0 Comments
Read Introduction to 1 Peter

“Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.”

likewise,

“Likewise” — the husband has responsibility in marriage as well as the wife. Like the wife, the husband has a role in marriage. We had this same word for wives in verse one. Some husbands say, “I thought it was my wife’s responsibility to develop interpersonal communication. I don’t have much time for such things. Isn’t it the responsibility of the wife to be the ‘keeper at home’?”

dwell with them

The husband’s primary responsibility in marriage is to “dwell” with his wife “with understanding.” The word “dwell” comes from two words meaning to be at home and with. This is an intense verb in the Greek carrying the idea of sharing home life together. The idea is that the husband is to domesticate with his wife. The husband has responsibilities domestically.


Principle:

God expects the husband to share his life with his wife.


Application:

At times the husband becomes so busy and enamored with his job that he neglects his family. He neglects his children but he especially disregards his wife’s needs. He is as busy as a bee, but someday he may find that his honey is gone!

A man seldom goes to work for his wife exclusively. He never says, “This business deal is for my wife.” He is more likely to wonder if it will please his boss. Yet if a husband wants to kill his wife’s spirit, all he needs to do is take her for granted. Husbands give their wives many material things. A husband and wife were arguing. The husband says, “Haven’t I given you many material things.” “Yes, Jack,” she responded. “You have given me everything but yourself.”

“It is not what we give but what we share,For the gift without the giver is bare.”Some men demand everything from their wives but give nothing. God wants men to master the art of understanding. Mutual understanding deepens the relationship between husbands and wives. God expects the husband to order his priorities with God first, his wife second and children third. She is to be precious to him. Apart from the Lord, the most precious person on earth is the wife.

1 Peter 3:7

Published on August 25, 1997 in 1 Peter. 0 Comments
Read Introduction to 1 Peter

“Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.”

Today one out of every two marriages fail. Why is this? When people who are immature in their own person get into deep water with their marriage, they abandon ship and get a divorce. That is like having prefrontal brain surgery when you have a headache. Some people do not have the maturity to face their problems. Their judgments are weak because their spiritual judgment is immature.

We covered six verses for the wife. We have one verse for the husband, but Peter crams this one verse with a lot of content for the husband.  

Most husbands don’t know how to meet their wife’s essential needs when they first get married. That is why most of us make a mess of marriage. We usually establish homes like the one in which we grew up.

Husbands,

With verse 7 Peter defines the role of the husband in marriage. This is an entirely different role than that of the wife.

 In North America the role of the husband has dramatically changed in the last half century. After World War 2 psychologists discovered that 2.5 million men were rejected from the services for neurotic and psychotic reasons. People began wondering what was responsible for all this neurosis. Eureka! They found the culprit — mom! Psychologists called it “momism.” Apron strings were nothing more than emotional umbilical cords for these boys. They could not take the discipline of the army or the rigors of military service. They fell apart under the duress of boot camp.

A few years later another theory emerged. This theory postulated that it was not an over-protective mother, but a detached mother who was the problem. This mother did not care sufficiently or relate to her son properly. The pendulum swung to the other side.

Then someone suggested that it was the father was the problem. He does not have time for his boys. Margaret Mead formulated the idea that husbands must become involved in the PTA and the Little League. Her theory postulated that we need to domesticate the male. With this, males almost lost their male identities.

Psychologists keep swinging the pendulum of theories. They develop a trend, then a counter trend about the role of the male. The Bible is very clear about the male’s role in marriage.


Principle:

God has a specific role for the husband in marriage.


Application:

Some husbands criticize everything their wives do. They keep their wives off balance by constant criticism. They are insecure so they bolster themselves by minimizing their wives. She cannot be right otherwise they could not keep her off balance. They dole out money to their wives when their attitudes are right.

Other men pout and sulk if they do not get their own way. They bury themselves in golf or television and cease to communicate. They give their wives the “silent treatment.” They do not assume responsibility as the head of the home.

1 Peter 3:6b

Published on August 24, 1997 in 1 Peter. 0 Comments
Read Introduction to 1 Peter

“As Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror.”

whose daughters you are

If women of Peter’s day follow Sarah’s example they are her daughters. I do not think many women will form Sarah Societies today. This is to their own detriment, however. The purpose of the Sarah Society is to develop inner beauty by following Sarah’s example.

The word “are” is really “become.” The word “become” means that they became something that they were not previously. Previously they knew nothing of inner beauty, now they do.

if you do good

The word “good” means to do what is intrinsically right. We can translate “good” by the word “well.” A Christian wife does well when she operates with inner beauty toward her husband.

and are not afraid with any terror

This is the only occurrence of this word “terror” the New Testament. A Christian woman does not let her husband – or anything else for that matter – terrify her. Some husbands can terrorize their wives into doing what is wrong. If women operate under terror they do not put their rest in God.


Principle:

Fear hinders the development of inner beauty.


Application:

Wives are to live with their husbands without fear. Fear hinders the development of inner beauty. The wife is not to infer, because God wants her to submit to her husband, that she is somehow inferior in person to him. She does not simply exist to meet his needs. Her role is to meet his needs and his role is to meet her needs. God’s design for marriage is a reciprocal relationship. Each has a role to fulfil the other.

Submission through inner beauty happens to be the wife’s role. This does not mean that she lives her life vicariously through her husband. Neither does this mean that she cannot achieve her full potential as a person. God designs that she also exists in her own right. God’s design for the husband is not to live like a leech, sucking every ounce of blood out of his wife. Many men draw the very life out of their wives and offer little in return.

Subordination does not imply inferiority. Submission is a purely pragmatic function so that each home has order. True, this does imply hierarchy but not hierarchy of person. This is simply hierarchy of function. No one argues that because the President of the United States has hierarchical authority over the country that he is the smartest person in the country. His role does not equate with his person. The role of the husband does not equate with his person. He is not superior to his wife.

Would we want pure egalitarian rights for our children? No. The reason for this is that they need the hierarchy of their parents to give them an environment to develop as people.

Christians who revolt against marital roles revolt against God. They allow deep invasion of their Christian belief system by a non-Christian, humanistic belief system. They never examine the assumptions of this cultural relativity.

1 Peter 3:6

Published on August 23, 1997 in 1 Peter. 2 Comments
Read Introduction to 1 Peter

“As Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror.”

as Sarah obeyed Abraham,

Sarah followed Abraham from the city of Ur in the Mesopotamian Valley to Palestine. God eventually changed her name from Sarai (bitter, Genesis 16:6) to Sarah (princess, Genesis 17:15). Before her name change, she was a contentious wife. She constantly fought with Abraham. Even though Sarai was a strikingly beautiful woman, she was ugly on the inside.

Why did God change her name? The reason Sarai was bitter was that she did not have a son. God, in his grace, gave her a son (Genesis 17:15f; 18:12f). She relaxed in God’s grace (Romans 4:16f). Hebrews 11:11 shows that she relaxed in God’s grace by faith:

“By faith Sarah herself also received strength to conceive seed, and she bore a child when she was past the age, because she judged Him faithful who had promised.”

What happened to Sarai? God said “I promise.” Sarah believed that promise. She relaxed in God’s promise. The anxious, bitter woman became a beautiful woman. God stepped into her life. She claimed by faith God’s promise for her. So God singled Sarah out as an example of a woman who developed inner beauty.

The word “obey” comes from two words in the Greek: to obey and under. How does a wife arrange her life under her husband? By hearing under — by listening to the essential needs of her husband. She does not do this with her mouth. She does this with her ears. She tunes into his core interests. She listens to his needs.

Christian women want to take the word “obey” out of their marriage ceremonies today. The reason is quite obvious but the reason is also quite humanistic.

calling him lord,

“Calling him lord” means showing Abraham respect. She acknowledged his authority over her. She recognized him as the leader of the household (Gen. 18:12). When Sarah was about 90 years of age God promised her a son. She believed God. She changed from a contentious person to a person of belief.Lord is a title of respect for office. The husband’s office is leader of the home. Sarah’s held Abraham in high esteem. She never disparaged him.


Principle:

God wants the wife to tune into her husband’s essential needs.


Application:

If a wife does not tune into her husband, she will not hear his needs. She hears his words, but not his meaning.

Many women do not listen to their husband’s essential needs. Convinced that their view of his needs is right, they never question their assumptions about him. They, therefore, do not have their ears open to his true needs. Some men do not communicate their needs directly. They usually do not like to divulge the core of their being, yet they will reveal themselves if their wives develop an environment of inner beauty.

Why did your husband marry you in the first place? You made him feel more special than any other girl. You treated him like he was somebody. You believed in him. If now you downgrade him or never agree with him, you go against the very basis of why he married you. When you make him appear foolish and use sarcasm against him in public, you go against the very foundation of your relationship. This also goes against inner beauty (vv. 1-5). Inner beauty opens men to disclose themselves to their wives.

1 Peter 3:5b

Published on August 22, 1997 in 1 Peter. 0 Comments
Read Introduction to 1 Peter

“For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands.”

also adorned themselves,

Peter now specifies what he means by adornment. The point is not physical adorning here. They adorned themselves in their person. However, neither does Peter put value on poor grooming. It doesn’t make you more spiritual to neglect your appearance.

The Greek tense indicates that these women were accustomed to adorning themselves by being submissive to their own husbands.


Principle:

A good relationship finds its foundation in personal maturity.


Application:

Women who see a man with sex appeal and jump at him on a wave of libido make a big mistake. They will live in a vacuum. Very few women run down to the department store and pick out the first dress they see. No, they get a good picture of how it looks on them. Why should a woman jump at the first man she sees?

A woman with good sense does not fall for the fast line. She does not fall for clucking noises. Everyone has strong points and weak points. This is true with everyone that walks on two legs. Everyone has points of strength and points of weakness. The woman who only sees strong points is vulnerable to the strong line. The man she falls for may be very unstable. She will not find the truth until it is too late.

Maturity sees both weak points and strong points. A mature woman can see the balance and love a man in the face of the true reality of who he is. True love has its eyes open. Love does not depend on the other person either. Mature love loves out of one’s own capacity to love.

A mature woman is not in a hurry to become married. First, toward herself, she needs to build up norms, so she has mature judgment about people. Second, she can distinguish a cluck from a mature man. How many women who wear a size 9 dress would buy a dress size 16, or 6? Why would you marry a man who is size 16 when you’re a size 9? Choosing a man is far more important than choosing a dress.