“Wives, likewise, be submissive
to your own husbands
“Own” is a special term. The word in the Greek is idios from which we get the word “idiot!” The word here does not mean wives are to think of their husbands as idiots! No, the word simply means privacy. The implication is that the wife is to submit to her husband, not to men in general. She is to accept the leadership of her husband.
The word “own” can carry the idea of intimacy. The wife is to arrange herself intimately with her husband. This is not only talking about physical intimacy but emotional intimacy. This is intimacy of the soul. Every woman wants that. So this is referring to intimacies of the personality, of the soul, of being.
Principle:
The purpose of biblical marriage is intimacy.
Application:
Every woman wants to share her life with her husband. She truly desires to be “in” her husband’s life. “Will you open yourself to me? Let me inside.”
Marital life is a cyclical relationship. Each role of the husband and wife contributes a different enhancement to the marriage. The wife contributes something different from the husband and vice versa.
Two of the greatest false assumptions of all time are that the husband has the same need as the wife and that the wife has the same need as the husband. That is a colossal mistake in marriage. Because each partner in marriage operates within their own premise, they do not understand the need of their partner. They understand their own needs thoroughly, though not the others.
The Bible presents the roles in marriage so that a woman looks at her husband’s essential need and the husband looks at the wife’s essential need.
The wife’s need is security in her husband’s love. The need of the husband is respect for his leadership in the home. Both the wife and the husband need both of these ultimate needs but they have different ultimate needs in marriage.
If a wife listens to her husband’s hopes and plans and gives her approval, she operates at the essence of his needs. If she demeans his accomplishments, he will clam up. God’s responsibility for the wife is to bring out the best in her husband. No wife gets a ready- made husband. Helping the husband toward maturity is a delicate process.
Some husbands feel the need to keep their wives off balance by criticism. They criticize her cooking. They disparage her dress. Their insecurity is the driving force behind this. They bolster their own insecurity by minimizing their wives. All of this makes it difficult for wives to follow the role God has designed for them. Wives can help their husbands become more mature by creating an atmosphere where they see what God can do. Husbands will judge by what they see in their wife’s life.
A wife is fulfilled by her own husband, not with a man she meets at the party. The apparent gregarious, attractive, dynamic personality may be deceptive. That is why “own” in this verse means to exclude other men from your consciousness. This does not mean that you do not talk to other men. However, romance is no substitute for rapport.
What holds a relationship? People married for 20 years can love more than the day they were married. Why? Because rapport love fulfils the soul. That love becomes more wonderful as the years go by.
You can easily spot a couple who have their own interests and don’t love each other. He is retired and plays golf. She has a flower garden. They talk about grandchildren but they do not have rapport between themselves. They are totally bored with each other.
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