“Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.”
with understanding
The word “understanding” means experiential knowledge. The husband is to live with his wife according to his experiential understanding of her.
Principle:
God expects the husband to understand his wife’s needs.
Application:
Here is a list of some experiential knowledge of the wife that the husband requires to meet her needs:
1. Make her feel desirable. “Honey, it is wonderful to be around you.” Because of the routine of daily activities we can take our wives for granted. This gives the impression that she is no longer desirable. She gets the idea that we are not aware of her. Marriage implies some basic things. It implies companionship, sex, a home and children. A woman wants these things set in the framework of her husband’s acceptance of her.
2. Appeal to her. Women want their husbands wants to continue to pursue them. She derives significance from being desired. Buy her flowers. This appeals to her significance to you.
3. Be kind and gentle. A man does not have to be feminine to show gentleness to his wife. The man who can be gentle is truly strong. A woman is a finely tuned instrument. A husband does not have to get back at her if he is mature. He can do this when he is inwardly strong. He does not immediately have to argue his point. He gives her time to think. A woman has little defense against real, tender love. She will melt before it.
4. Make her feel wanted and needed. One of women’s biggest gripes is “My husband takes me for granted. He never thinks about me. He goes on his way without considering me. He has his hunting trips every year. We never go on vacation by ourselves.” The husband replies, “doesn’t she realize I work in the salt mines all year?” This demonstrates a complete lack of understanding of his wife’s situation. He is devoid of experiential knowledge. Does he not realize that her work too requires great skill? It is astounding how some husbands think they are the only ones doing any work. Every wife needs to feel that she is wanted and that she is an essential part of his values.
5. Be a man. A woman wants a man for a husband. It is true that some women distort their female role. When they have been rubbed the wrong way for a long period of time, some women become call us to their essential needs. She takes the leadership of the home. God did not make her for this role. Most women will let her husband lean on her emotionally. That is her nature. However, she will hate him for it.
I counseled a woman in her 60s. Her husband had just died. Something beyond his death was bothering her. She felt guilty for dominating him all through their marriage. I said, “Let me ask you something else. Did you also hate him for letting you dominate him?” For the first time in her life, she acknowledged that she hated him for this. She ran contrary to her fundamental nature of wanting protection from her husband. She dominated him which undermined her security. Women do not necessarily want a man who can press 250 pounds, they want someone with inner composure to handle the rough phases of life.
[continued next study]
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