10 “Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. 11But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife.”
Verses ten and eleven concern Christian married couples and the issue of divorce. Verses ten to sixteen are a call to commitment to marriage.
7:10
Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord:
Paul makes it unequivocal that the next statement is a matter of revelation and not a matter of his personal opinion. In previous verses, he pointed out that he made a concessive statement as over against an absolute statement. Here he makes an absolute statement about the Lord’s teaching on divorce when He became incarnate on earth (Mt 5:31-32; 19:5-8; Mark 10:2-12).
A wife is not to depart from her husband.
The biblical overarching principles against divorce. The word “depart” means leave, send away, separated from. This term is a synonym for divorce. Some Corinthians were already divorced. In any case, the overarching principle is not to divorce a non-Christian partner if possible.
7:11
But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband.
Christians are to remain unmarried after divorce except for biblically authorized reasons for divorce and remarriage, such as some sexual sin on the part of the spouse (Mt 19; 1 Co 7:15). Stability is an important prerequisite to getting a divorce, which should never be done on a whim or out of anger. Divorce is so serious that it takes a personal stability level to sort out true biblical grounds and is not justified over a spat or protracted disagreement.
And a husband is not to divorce his wife.
Some in the Corinthian church might have thought that if they had non-Christian spouses, they could summarily divorce them.
PRINCIPLE:
God’s ideal is for Christians to work through their marriage problems.
APPLICATION:
We do not help people by sympathizing with their miserable marriage state. People need truth, not friendship, in these situations. Good counsel is always free from bias and prejudice. There should be no bones to pick or fish to fry. If we go to the doctor, we want him to tell us the truth. The attitude “my friend, right or wrong,” is deadly counsel. In my marriage counseling, I have seen many so-called “hopeless” situations come around to a wholesome marriage.
Presuming that a Christian, spiritual couple begins to consider marriage, it is more important to think about mental compatibility, rather than spiritual compatibility, as the first concern. Physical compatibility follows mental compatibility. Non-Christians with mental compatibility have wonderful marriages. Christians without mental compatibility will struggle in marriage. The formation of biblical attitudes and choices will help the Christian couple’s mental incompatibility. The formation of biblical attitudes provides a certain basis for marital compatibility.
God’s ultimate goal for marriage is not happiness but the development of character – a character that is formed into the image of Christ. Love is something that can be learned.
Hi Dr. Richison,
MyChristian wife divorced me about 4 years ago. I was faithful, didn't abuse her physically or mentally, a good provider. Obiously I didn't love her like Chist loved the church or she would still be here. She did become a militant feminist at the end of our marriage and it was all about her rights. She is a good person who was leb astray.
My questions is this. Does 1 Cor 7:10 apply to both males and femaies when it says a wife is not to leave her husband. I didn't want or initiate the divorce. She knew better but said to me its not the unpardenable sin. Does this scripture mean I must remain single? Does this mean I commit adultery if I would find someone in the future and get married?
Thank you for your time and energy in this Dr.
Mark
Mike, there are two reasons in my study of Scripture for divorce and remarriage: 1) any form of sexual desertion (Mt 19) and 2) disertion (1 Co 7) for both husband and wife.
This is a somewhat common question. However, the answer is more thought provoking than many give credit for. When Jesus was asked the question regarding divorce by the Pharisees in Matt. 19, His answer was based on what governed them, the Law as passed down by Moses. The reason He gave the answer of sexual immorality as the means to marry another is because of the punishment prescribed by the Law. The Law prescribed death by stoning as the punishment for marital infidelity and that death naturally concludes the marriage which enables one to find another spouse. Jesus also goes on to say that what God joins together (in marriage), we don’t have the power to separate. So when we marry, it is a permanent state for us. 1 Corinthians 7 admonishes Christians to keep their marriage vows. Paul tells us this based on instructions he received from the Lord God Almighty. I believe he is teaching us based on two things; an encouragement that we already received from Jesus Christ (Matt. 19) and the metaphor of marriage that binds the Christian to Christ. It is imperative for us to understand and be encouraged that once we become a member of the body of Christ (part of the collective bride of Christ), that state we are imputed with is permanent. Paul goes on to say in Romans 8:38 that nothing can separate us from the love of God.
So in a more direct way to answer the question, the Bible clearly teaches us that marriage is a permanent state so long as both parties are living. This brings with it a natural caution to take care when we select a marriage partner knowing this information.
Eric, I once held and respect your position. Did you read my entire study on this subject in this chapter?
To be reconciled with your ex means you have to remarry? And if you don’t remarry and one spouse dies will the other become widowed or do they have to remarry to become widowed?
Treasa, Reconciliation in this context means remarriage. It does not mean that if there is a relationship reconciliation that a person must remarry.
Regarding your second question: if your former spouse dies although there is a formal divorce and there has been no further marriage, you are a widow of that person.
what about a mentally ill person (and being ‘born again’) deciding that they want to have an annulment of the marriage because [we] had sex BEFORE marriage?
AC, I suggest that you read beginning with this study to the end of the chapter: http://versebyversecommentary.com/1-corinthians/1-corinthians-78-9/
Hey there. I was unfaithful to my wife with the abuse of pornography. She is wanting a divorce. I desperately do not, and have truly repented and turned away. Will God honor my prayers of reconciliation?
Matthew, if there is a chance that your wife will reconcile with you will depend, in part, by your proving that you have repented over protracted time. She needs to see proof of it. God will not force your wife to make a decision on this but will respect her volition.
Hello,
I divorce my husband in 2002 because I did not like the way he was treating me. I decided to remarry him in 2005. His behavior continue and did not change. I felt I was his side chick. He have a daughter and never wanted me to say anything to her. I divorced him again. I recently got married again to a wonderful man. Know my ex-husband is saying that I was wrong under the law
Eunice, your situation is not fully clear to me. There are at least two biblical reasons for divorce and remarriage: 1) the mate committing some kind of sexual sin (Mt 19)and 2) desertion (1 Co 7).
just direct to the point…
my wife divorce me for no reason (she doesn’t likes me that’s all) what shall I do to that? what will be the consequences for her.
shall I go for another marriage?
will she has right to marry again with another man?
I need answers straight to the point.
thank you
James
HI I was married and divorce my first husband because of infidelity I met someone else after seven years and have been married now for seventeen years, this man was married twice before both wives divorced him I found out after two weeks of marriage that he was very abusive I also found out out that he was abusive to his first wife the second wife left because he was neglecting her. we are both believers but for the seventeen years we’ve been married it’s like I have a prison sentence on my life most of these years i work and take care of my self and most times the home I am continually put down we have gone through a few counselors but he continues to be self-centered verbally abusive, never takes responsibility for his actions I am continually blamed for his misdeeds at this point I am really tired I am seriously thinking about departing all I would like to do with the rest of my life is live for Jesus we have no children together I am 58 years he is 76
Jane, does your husband physically abuse you? If so, I would suggestion that you separate from him until he addresses this issue. He may not be willing to do this. If so, then the onus is on him. I would also suggest that you separate from him until he resolves the verbal abuse. Note that this counsel is based on a vacuum of knowledge about your situation on my part andI give this counsel strictly on the facts as you present them.
I’m a Christian woman but am wanting a divorce. He was heavily into porn, wrote letters wanting to sleep with my neighbors, posted pictures of me on the internet without my knowledge, and has been verbally and emotionally abusive to me and physically abusive towards my boys. I want to get out! But I’m afraid that my situation might not qualify. I need answers please.
He also attempted suicide.
Monica, has your husband opened himself for help? If not, maybe an option is to separate until he is willing to counsel. However, my counsel cannot be definitive because I do not know his side of the story nor enough facts to make a fair suggestion about your options.
My husband and I are both very committed Christians, married 33 years, involved in ministry, husband often asked to preach at different churches. However, for the past 15 years he has been emotionally and verbally abusive, particularly manipulating with guilt and anger. Have been afraid of him for over 10 years, had an emotional breakdown 8 years ago. He has been angry at me for 15 years, but it took me years of asking why (after my 2011 breakdown) to tell me. The reason? He misinterpreted (have explained many times) my struggle with depression to be that I didn’t care for him, appreciate him, love him anymore, just “saw him as a paycheck.” I struggled with anxiety and depression for years before I recognized it, still years before I was willing to take meds, didn’t think that I needed a counselor because God had done such an incredible healing in my life when I came to faith at age 17. Eventually had no choice but to take meds, also saw a counselor. Husband believes that depression is alleviated by helping someone else with worse problems, absolutely against meds, researched side effects and pushed me not to take them. Did not work to gain a better understanding of depression. Told him in 2010 that I was afraid of him and his anger, many discussions since then. Asked him in fall of 2017 to find us a marriage counselor (told him in 2014 that I wanted us to go to one) that he would like. Asked a couple of months later. No, he had not, nor would he ever do so. Eventually agreed to go to one, so I chose a Christian male. We saw him twice, then my husband blew up and refused to return. God led me to separate (yes, it was God, not just me) last October. Our 3 children (all committed believers involved in their churches) fully support me. Our daughter had confirmed years ago that my husband is emotionally and verbally abusive). When I told her about separating, she said, “I knew that it would eventually come down to separation or suicide, and I thought that you would choose separation. Thought that you would have left much sooner.” Recently contacted the marriage counselor to ask his opinion. He said that my husband is narcissistic, and that I made the right choice. I struggle with Christian friends and elders at church (in my hometown, where I am now living) who believe that separation is wrong and the elders want to be in contact with my husband. (They have met him over the years). They now see me as an obstacle to reconciliation. Currently seeing a new Christian counselor where I live. Husband has never believed that his treatment of me (also treats me disrespectfully) is abusive, refuses to think so, is unapologetic. He saw another counselor for awhile, but no change and has discontinued. I believe that I have a biblical basis for separation. Have read that he is actually responsible for “desertion.” Thoughts re separation? Divorce? Remarriage? (Have absolutely no plan or desire to divorce or remarry, but would appreciate thoughts as some family members who are not Christians, and have no idea of reason for separation-have deliberately kept the knowledge of abuse to just a few friends out of respect for my husband and children- are encouraging me to think about it in the future. My belief has always that my marriage vows are for life, but you referred to something in a previous post that leads me to think that you may have a different opinion. Feel free to edit my post.
Margaret, to me separation is not the same as divorce; it is simply a method to neutralize the situation so that both parties can objectively deal with their issues. In your case, the crucial question is how has your husband attempted to deal with his side of the question. If he has not changed then it appears (based on the information you give me) then you should maintain the same status until he does.
Another question is which came first, the chicken or the egg, when it comes to your depression issues. Did the marriage cause them?
To sympathize a bit with your husband. Depression can project a sense of rejection from the person who is going through it. He may have felt that rejection but never resolved that issue when you finally resolved the issue for yourself.
Again, these suggestions are based very limited information on my part.
Where does it say if the spouse deserts you, you can remarry?
My wife deserted me last Sept and took our three children with her. I was completely blindsided. She did not want to live where we relocated (Dallas). But she hesitantly agreed to come along.
I was committed to my wife. She is a good mother. There was no adulterous, gambling, pornographers addictions etc
She didn’t want to live away from her mom, which is where she lives now.
I love and miss my children dearly. I even miss her. But I was miserable living out east. Job market is scarce. I lived there with her and our beautiful children for seven years. My job brought me back to TX where I am from. As provider and responsible father and I thought Returning was best for my family, largely based on lessons learned from last seven years of lining in an area without opportune stability.
I want to do the right thing. But I do not want to return to a place that isn’t healthy.
I feel rejected, unloved and manipulated. I feel she is cleaved to her mom and places many other things (location her family, our children and her religion over me).
Based on what you said above to a few commentators, “infidelity and desertion” are justifiable reasons for divotand remarriage.
Did I read that correctly? If yes, where in scripture can I read more about this to validate your commentary on 1 Corinthians 7:10.
DH, you needed to keep studying 1 Corinthians. See this study: https://versebyversecommentary.com/1-corinthians/1-corinthians-715/ There are many qualifications not explicitly dealt with in this chapter of 1 Corinthians. The believer is not under obligation to give up the process of reconciliation. I would strong encourage you to do so. However, should your mate remarriage someone else then you have no other option.
My wife is a believer. She also wants to remain married (conditionally). But she abandoned me and took our children. She is 1300 miles away.
I am not returning to a marriage when she ran and has cleaved to her family, religion, and geography all above me. Reconciliation is possible if her heart softens and she cleaves to me, and realizes that our children’s father is more vital to a healthy upbringing for them than my mother-in-law who is both a hoarder and alcoholic. Not behaviors I want my children to be raised in. She is a delightful lady, but I do not agree with some of her habits.
I was hoping that her siblings or mother would say to return to your husband and make marriage work. The kids need their daddy. And he needs his llove sources, which she stripped from me. Grieving is an understatement.
DH, it is impossible to give any adequate counsel via a blog. I did counsel for a few decades and I never found one party completely innocent; always both sides had some culpability. Have you sought in yourself as to why your wife left you? Reconciliation takes more than a wish that the other person or their relatives will make a change. It takes radical self-examination on both parties and an effort to change what is in self, not in what is in the other.
I have never been married. I read that Christian divorce rate is so high and I read comments like all the ones above and my Spirit keeps jumping and showing me such sadness. I see so much law and no grace or forgiveness. I believe we should fight for marriage, and it is a covenant we make not only between a man and woman but before God. But He also knows that when we have done all we can do and with each circumstance being different, He just might be closing doors by means of divorce. Christ came to give us life, life with abundance, not for 2 people to live in misery, with hopelessness, to be bound by laws, shame, guilt, and condemnation, but to be free, to receive His forgiveness, His Grace, His healing, His love. Did God not divorce Israel when they not only continuously walked away from him? When they constantly broke their covenant with God and He gracefully kept taking them back until He finally said enough was enough and compared them to adulterers. They abused Him and their covenant in many ways, shapes and forms and even God ordered a divorce, walked away and “created a new covenant to replace the broken Sinai Covenant.” I just sense that God desires us to walk in Faith and trust and not by the laws. As long as we seek Him through the guidance of the Holy Spirit who gives us wisdom, more will be able to not walk things out in emotion and feelings and that allows us to be more like Christ, who was perfect. I may not know anything about being married, but the Lord has given me much wisdom on what He expects from us prior to choosing to be married and at 52 and many bad relationships I was able to walk away from before the I do’s, for that, I am so thankful. I have learned that time to discern ones true character for God is the 1st priority. If a person can show that they can love God, whom they can not see, over and beyond me 1st, then I know without a doubt that God is teaching him how to love me whom he can see just as I am, just as He is still teaching me to do. And just as we began our new life In Christ with Christ as our foundation we also build our new life together as husband and wife with Christ as our solid foundation and our cornerstones, without that, how can we possibly expect to weather any storm? I respect you all’s opinion’s and hope you all also respect what I felt led to share.
The key word here is covenant. In the old testament whenever a covenant or consummation was taking place, blood was shed. When Christ died for us blood was shed. When a man and woman come together blood is shed. If a couple is married for the very first time that is your covenant spouse, that marriage is recognised by God himself. If that couple divorces and marries another person who is divorce (male or female) that person has committed adultery (according to Galatians 5:19 ‘the works of the flesh are these, adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variances, emulations, wrath and strife, seditions, heresies; envying, murders, drunkeness, revelling nd such like, I tell you now and in time past, that they that do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.)
So we see that adultery is listed there – and if that person he/she departs, both parties must remain unmarried OR be reconciled to each other.
Matthew 19 is actually talking about FORNICATION between two people who are supposedly engaged. Remember the scripture about Joseph and Mary – the book of Luke tells us she was ‘espoused’ to Joseph. The law back then was that if a woman was found to have sextet outside of marriage was to be stoned. Do we see now why Joseph wanted to put Mary away? Christians tend to use this particular chapter to relate it to when someone is already married and that is NOT the case.
Now if one is already living in the married state and either spouse commits adultery within that marriage and there was a divorce, either spouse CANNOT remarry except, if that spouse dies or be reconciled to their spouse. JESUS made that absolutely clear in Mark 10. After hisome assenson, Paul the apostle reiterated those words again, when he said ‘not I’, BUT THE LORD – this was a command from the Lord, not Paul’s opinion. It was by revelation. The problem we have in christiandom today is that we ‘twist’ the scriptures and what Jesus actually meant concerning divorce and remarriage to appease and to justify our flesh. Galatians 5:19 gives us a list of of those who will not inherit the kingdom of God and the first one is adulterers.
Veronica, the Greek word for ‘fornication” means sex of all kinds, it is a generic word in Greek (πορνια). I would suggest that you go to my study on this subject in Mt 19.