10 “Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. 11But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife.”
Verses ten and eleven concern Christian married couples and the issue of divorce. Verses ten to sixteen are a call to commitment to marriage.
7:10
Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord:
Paul makes it unequivocal that the next statement is a matter of revelation and not a matter of his personal opinion. In previous verses, he pointed out that he made a concessive statement as over against an absolute statement. Here he makes an absolute statement about the Lord’s teaching on divorce when He became incarnate on earth (Mt 5:31-32; 19:5-8; Mark 10:2-12).
A wife is not to depart from her husband.
The biblical overarching principles against divorce. The word “depart” means leave, send away, separated from. This term is a synonym for divorce. Some Corinthians were already divorced. In any case, the overarching principle is not to divorce a non-Christian partner if possible.
7:11
But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband.
Christians are to remain unmarried after divorce except for biblically authorized reasons for divorce and remarriage, such as some sexual sin on the part of the spouse (Mt 19; 1 Co 7:15). Stability is an important prerequisite to getting a divorce, which should never be done on a whim or out of anger. Divorce is so serious that it takes a personal stability level to sort out true biblical grounds and is not justified over a spat or protracted disagreement.
And a husband is not to divorce his wife.
Some in the Corinthian church might have thought that if they had non-Christian spouses, they could summarily divorce them.
PRINCIPLE:
God’s ideal is for Christians to work through their marriage problems.
APPLICATION:
We do not help people by sympathizing with their miserable marriage state. People need truth, not friendship, in these situations. Good counsel is always free from bias and prejudice. There should be no bones to pick or fish to fry. If we go to the doctor, we want him to tell us the truth. The attitude “my friend, right or wrong,” is deadly counsel. In my marriage counseling, I have seen many so-called “hopeless” situations come around to a wholesome marriage.
Presuming that a Christian, spiritual couple begins to consider marriage, it is more important to think about mental compatibility, rather than spiritual compatibility, as the first concern. Physical compatibility follows mental compatibility. Non-Christians with mental compatibility have wonderful marriages. Christians without mental compatibility will struggle in marriage. The formation of biblical attitudes and choices will help the Christian couple’s mental incompatibility. The formation of biblical attitudes provides a certain basis for marital compatibility.
God’s ultimate goal for marriage is not happiness but the development of character – a character that is formed into the image of Christ. Love is something that can be learned.
My husband left us a month ago. He goes to our new house where my Mother – in- law built it for us. We are married for 18yrs. He went abroad for 2yrs and his infidelty started. I swallowed my pride for multiple affairs he have. Because of my belief in God that he will restore us on his timeline.. We have submission issue.. He wanted us to seperate our place to live from my family side.. But i refuse. We don’t own house for such a long time until my MIL built one.. But right after its finished.. He left us.. GOD knows how much i wanted to obey him by submitting to my husband now. But it seems he doesn’t want us to live with him.. Also one reason is.. He still in infidelity. My question is.. Should we move in with him even he doesn’t want or we keep living where we are now without him. My Mother-in-law advice me to still move in.. She said if my husband will moveout.. Let him be.. Time will come he will return to us. This is confusing to me.. Should we move or not? Thank u in advance if u will answer me.
Rose, there is not enough information on my side to understand your situation fully, especially from your husband’s side, that is, why he got into adultery in the first place. Having said that, there would be a greater possibility of reconciliation if you were to move back in (assuming that you approach reconciliation properly). It is encouraging that your MIL is encouraging you to move into the house. There is an organization in Austin Texas that helps couples where infidelity has occurred. It is a complicated issue that times time to heal.
Was married for 6 years. My wife had an affair and left me 8 years ago. Divorced me 6 years ago. We have 2 children together. Ever since the day she left, I have done everything I can think of to get her to try and reconcile the marriage. She is still with the man she had the affair with. They will soon be married. Once they are married will I be free from my vow? Will I be able to remarry? Or should I look at the situation as she is still my wife and stay single? Thank you.
Joey, you have the right to remarry. See this study about your question: https://versebyversecommentary.com/2009/01/26/matthew-197f/
I met my husband when I was very young and he was quite older than me with 11yrs. He led me to Christ and insisted he must get married even before I graduated from the University. I adored him and couldn’t refuse him anything. He is a smooth talker and can convince anyone and anything to suit his purpose. We started having problems when he sees that I am not mentally capable to handle his ‘big dreams’. And as a pastor, he takes ministry first before his family. He leaves the responsibility of taking care of his family to me and others (family members). He lies and I can’t stand it and exaggerates. Worst of all, he verbally abuses me and sees me as his hinderance. He says words like “I regret marrying you, there were better and more qualified persons for me”. His mom makes things worse by giving him negative advice against me and controls him. My world shattered because I held him in high esteem. He makes me suffer mentally and emotionally. It started affecting my health. I have been hospitalized on several occasions and he doesn’t care. We have been to counseling a lot of times but he never takes to advise. He goes back to his attitude immediately. He says most times that he knows better. The pastor who wedded us used to be a mentor to him, I spoke to him but he said that my husband doesn’t take advice from anyone. I couldn’t continue to suffer in a marriage where I can’t have peace, I cry everyday and he abuses me in the presence of our children. I became a single mom even while married and gets no appreciation whatsoever. I can’t stay under his ministeration because most times he abuses me from ‘the pulpit’. He lies even on the pulpit and wants me concor. When I refuse to comment, he reports me to his mom who in turn will make matters worse. I couldn’t continue to suffer and be defeated in my self esteem and worth. I had none actually. I pray but I am definitely not fulfilled. I told him I would love to leave and he was glad about it. I eventually left and he asked for his dowry to be returned by my father and my father did because he laced his conversation to my dad with insults.
The thing now is I am so happy. I can sleep and pray and work without being yelled at and abused. I go to church and I can worship freely and for the first time in many years I have not been to the hospital.
After a year, he travelled out of the country. I have forgiven him and his mom and I pray all goes well with him but I don’t intend to ever be with him. He should take care of his children if he can. I am already doing that. I met someone who has the same experience with me and we have been getting along very well although in a distance and he sincerely appreciates my person and for the first time I can feel loved and appreciated. He has even met my parents and soon we will take it to the next level.
My question is this, are we destined to suffer in marriage? Can’t we be in marriage and despite the challenges still be fulfilled and serve God in peace? I didn’t marry an unbeliever but a so called pastor who almost made me turn my back on Christ. But thank God I didn’t. I don’t miss anything about him or my previous marriage, it was hell on earth and anyone telling me to hold on or still go back there, is definitely never going to hear from me again.
My question is
Eugenia, thanks for your post. It is very difficult for me to make specific judgments about your marriage, decisions, etc. without knowing the story on both sides thoroughly. However, regarding your question about God’s perspective on your future, that is clear from Scripture. From God’s point of view, He will not destine you to suffer in marriage. In many second marriages, people marry on the rebound and overlook problems with the second person. Yet, with the exception of judgmental mistakes in the second marriage, God is a God of mercy and grace. There is a doctrine of divine discipline, but that relates to people who are implacable in their rebellion against God. If your walk with God is in fellowship with Him, then there is no reason to believe that you will be under divine discipline in a second marriage.
My wife has committed adultery on several occasions. Now she wants to leave the marriage for another man.I don,t want her to go but she is insisting . What should I do. Malachi Nigeria
Attama, you might not have any choice. Whenever there is a third party who invades the marriage, the adulterous mate has difficulty unattaching themselves from the third party. It looks like your only options are 1) counseling or 2) showing her an extreme amount of love with communication (not talk per see).
I think people need to be very careful with reflecting in this comment section.
Not every marriage or person is the same, severity also. Doesn’t mean we should underestimate any type of abuse.
If you feel that way something is wrong by default.
But where did that start?
-Is it upbringing and love language.
-is it Albeit challenged by your past reflecting in your marriage culmunating attachment styles plus situations?
Cause that is entirely different from a solely egoïstic parasitical relation.
Where there is love and regret .. there is a holy bond.. especially with children.
One has a chance to mend
Be like ice in this case and let Gods sun melts your heart dont become like clay under the same sun as you will get hardened in your heart.
We want God to forgive is for our sins as we forgive others.
Then be forgiving. Dont fool yourself into any type of anger. Run away or talk badly on your spouse it will always come back.
But true regret means the offender if there (mostly its both in some way) is one should be open to help or counseling.
If someone is neglectant pray to God again if this is someone you need to help safe or is this not your path.
Look for answers. Sudden texts you will read or people talking to you. Is Providence not coincedence
If you are the offender humble yourself to God. Seek repentence with him first.
And remember you hurt someone you should protect!! Badly. Never hurt them again try and heal the cost of your debt beyond what you did.
Go through deep valleys of sorrow but hold Gods hand tightly and resolve if you can and want too.
Its a hard road but its necessary. Pray pray and change and commit to that change.
I know from experience. Almost losing the love of my life due to arrogance ego insecurity dis engagement in communication frustration. Change and they will change with you.act out of love always and humility.
If you are the receiver i cant imagine how you might be feeling may God watch over you.Dont run to friends, run to God first.ask guidance. With every step think what kind of impact will it have on me our reputation the children.
Sometimes we need to be the saviour of our marriage and our spouse their soul and let God help with that.
But also be critical as into your share in this matter. Did you try to communicate? Dont think that grass is always greener some grass is fake.. stays green though.. but will not give you the natural loving life. Marriage is built not given. If there is love in you if there are children save it.. and ask God for Guidance. If they repent truly save it.
Remember when children are damaged later on the receiver of the offense tends to say.. but its his hers fault they are like that! If the offender wants to mend and regrets saying that is like seeing a person on fire. And you can choose oil or water life or death. That choice and its consequences is yours alone.
Jesus said not to divorce out of the hardness of your heart.
God said he hates divorce.but glorifies and gives grace to whom ever changes and repents.
And also when you are back together keep God close in your marriage dont Waver or falter. No matter the circumstances make time.. as a holy part of your life time for prayers time for each other time for your children.
Dont give the Devil a chance…
Before it might be far gone..
I was compelled to write this.. i hope it will help someone..
Hang in there!
Pray, act , change bless the Lord